You make coffee this morning? I know I did. Gearing up for camp means making a lot of pots.

Same way as yesterday and the day before. While it brewed, my head was somewhere else, thinking about a million different things. Not thinking about the coffee, engaged in stuff that was (hopefully) more useful.

But because of that, I couldn’t tell you anything specific about that coffee experience now, except that I drank it.

The specifics are gone. That’s brick brain, and it’s useful for understanding in how we make memories.

Brick brain

It’s the default. Making coffee in the morning. Putting on shoes. Driving the same route. Logging into work. Packing the same lunch. The brain is a pattern-matching machine, and most of the day runs on patterns.

If our brain absorbed every detail of making every cup of coffee, we’d never get out of the kitchen. We legit wouldn’t have room for anything else. So most things hit the brick and run off. That’s how we get through a Tuesday.

So much of what happens in a given day doesn’t actually get past the brick brain at all. It doesn’t change anything.

The narrative in our head keeps us keeping on. All of the filters we use to interpret the world stay the same. Until something happens that doesn’t fit the pattern.

Sponge brain

Now sponge brain? That’s something different. When we get into sponge brain mode, something gets through. Memory forms. And the narrative shifts a little.

It almost always shows up at peak emotion. First kiss. A trip to somewhere you’ve never been. The day someone you love passed away. The first time a new idea totally clicked. Color War Breakout when the whole place loses its mind. Standing on stage at Hollowpalooza. Checking in to the first day of college. The day you got the job. High intensity does the work.

What it does is bigger than memory. The story you tell yourself about who you are gets rewritten in the sponge ones.

It’s why people come back from a trip and can’t (and shouldn’t) shut up about it. Why most of what we remember from our lives happens at a small number of peak moments.

The pattern

Most of life is brick. That’s how it works. You don’t get to choose when sponge brain shows up. The brain decides.

And it’s not always the good moments. Anything with peak emotion can do it. Wild, sad, angry, worried, joyful, grief. They all get in.

Rough test. If it’s the kind of thing that might be a moment in a movie, it’s probably sponge brain.

What raises the odds is anything that breaks the pattern. New places. High emotion. Something different than the same room, the same chair, the same time of day, the same conversation you’ve had a hundred times.

The key is to try and put ourselves in places where sponge brain activates more than usual. It’s a big part of growing up. Having as many chances as possible for peak moments to write that story.

I’ll make coffee tomorrow. Won’t remember a thing about it. That’s fine.

It’s the sponge moments, wherever they show up, that decide what actually gets through.

Those are the ones worth chasing.

You got this,

Jack

P.S. - At camp, we are all about sponge brain. Creating conditions for peak memories. Let's talk about that. Feel free to text me at 585-451-5141 with any thoughts about summer for your kid at K&E. Or, just schedule a call to talk.​

114 Eagle Pond Rd, Wilmot, NH 03287
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